Archive for September, 2007

AWOL Friday…again

Friday, September 28th, 2007

Fridays are hard during football season, as I tend to devote them to prepping for another job I have. Thus, instead of ripping and mocking internet content, I will actually be internet content. Your feedback is welcome. Kickoff is 7pm Pacific. Stay black out there.

Dan the Man, Fear and Loathing in Myanmar, Slate and Skin

Thursday, September 27th, 2007

I don’t care if Dan Rather has lost it. I don’t think he has, and he doesn’t think he has. But even if he has, it’s bound to be entertaining. Look at all the crazy sh*t he did when he was gainfully employed. Imagine it…Gunga Dan armed with subpeona power with an axe to grind against CBS and their (alleged) burying of anti-Bush stories. This could be FABULOUS.   

Sex. See? Got your attention and mine too. Three billion years of precedent behind that.  A little early in the year for a “The Year In…” piece though, dontcha think, Slateys?

Junta is just one of those fun words to say. Like pomegranate, onomatopoeia, and fortuitous. Sadly, juntas are nowhere near as fun as pomegranates or onomatopoeia, and usually limited in their fortuitousness for most involved.    

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Catechism.

What EVER dude. Like you have any trace of empathy for us. When was the last time you think the prez flew commercial, if ever? I was born at night, bro…but not LAST night.

I’ve been conveniently omitting any commentary and/or linkage to the Jena Six story until now because it’s messy. It’s messy as hell when black kids have to deal with the symbolism of nooses at school, and messier when they react in a violent, if understandable, manner. As far as “The White Tree” and all this social segregation business, well I’m not buying it as some human tragedy. I went to high school, and everyone who did is well aware that lunch is a segregated activity, for better or for worse, and probably not made so soley by white racist students. You remember, right? Asians and stragglers in the cafeteria. Footballers and jock entourage on the stairs. Basketball team by the first row of lockers. Stoners playing hacky-sack on the lawn. Etc.  

To paraphrase Chris Rock, I’m not saying it’s acceptable, but I understand. And, though overbearing prosecutors don’t exclusively target black folk, the fact remains that black folk get accused of crimes disproportionally, and therefore face more prosecution, than the rest of us. So there’s that.

 Still, beatings are beatings, and I tend to think that people of any color would do well to distance themselves from violent behavior no matter what the circumstances. Notable people of all colors appear to agree with me.

Dude. Can the wireless carriers please leave the womb wars alone?

and now let’s check in with our ziggy stardust correspondent

Thursday, September 27th, 2007

Irony is having your robot mars explorer working 50 million miles away while your terrestrial infrastructure breaks down. Victoria Crater, Mars (courtesy NASA)

9027opportunity1.jpg

Our Nazi Navy, Spliffing the Vick, Labor Peace in Our Time, and Ending World Hunger

Wednesday, September 26th, 2007

Man, those Michael Vick defenders sure are clueless. Racism in the US? In 2007? I mean, clearly, these days, the United States is a monument to equal opportunity and justice. 

  

I am defending President Bush. No, this is not a drill. Some people are making a big deal out of Bush using phonetic spellings of world leaders’ names in the text of his speech. Well, I will not cast the first stone. One of my other professions involves lengthy extemporaneous use of semi-unfamiliar names. And yes, I often use phonetic spellings on my spotting charts. So there. Back off, everyone. Mock him for his illegal war, not his rhetorical pragmatism.  Eyes on the prize, lefties. 

  

Dude, Mike. Let’s give yourself a chance here. I’m not saying you aren’t entitled to get nice and high after going through this self-inflicted sh*tstorm, nor I am in any way advocating the prohibition of marijuana, but bro…if you’re going to get tested, you owe yourself the PR break to pass it, at least right now. Jesus Christ, man…you’re making The Dude look like Mother Theresa.

  

You’ve lost that judgin’ feeling…whoooooaaah, that judgin’ feeling

  

Thus endeth the Great Auto Worker Strike of 2007. Thanks to the solidarity of the working class, GM is now legally in the clear to pay slave wages to its security guards and janitorial staff just like everyone else. Maybe organized labor really is communistic. They have about the same winning percentage.  

 

I would like to point out that for $190 billion, you can apparently develop a lunar exploration program from scratch and end world hunger four times over. And have $3 billion left over. I’m just saying.  

 

Is our children learning? I think so 

 

Sometimes, it’s hard to figure out if hypocrisy is worse than incompetence. And no, I’m no papist hater. Apart from the gay thing and the abortion thing and the looking-the-other-way-at-the-Holocaust thing, I’m generally down with the Vatican. You know, feed the hungry, stop the war, burn the incense, and use bitchin’ architecture. Plus, Protestantism is so schlocky! 

 

Speaking of hypocrisy, there’s nothing quite as rich as a general weighing in on God’s law like he’s some kind of theologian.             

 “Are there wonderful Americans who happen to be homosexual serving in the military? Yes,” General Pace told the Senate Appropriations Committee during a hearing focused on the Pentagon’s 2008 war spending request. 

“We need to be very precise then, about what I said wearing my stars and being very conscious of it,” he added. “And that is, very simply, that we should respect those who want to serve the nation but not through the law of the land, condone activity that, in my upbringing, is counter to God’s law.” (emphasis added) 

Hey general…you know what else is counter to God’s law? Killing 

 

You know by now I love baseball. The game is a perfect thing, to me. The game’s culture…? Well, it’s just damn funny.

Loving the UN, secretly loving Hitchens, and loving hating the penny

Tuesday, September 25th, 2007

Iran joins the illustrious list of nations that have told the U.N. to go f*ck itself.

Christopher Hitchens, whose writing I enjoy despite pretty much always disagreeing with what he asserts, talks about anti-americanism, the fraud of the Nobel Peace Prize, and Albert Gore Jr. I think enjoying Hitchens is a greater guilty pleasure than my enjoyment of Girlfriends.

Everyone drives drunk in Los Angeles. The only reason I don’t right now is due to my lack of a car. Oh hush.

Idaho Senator Larry Craig won’t be attending a hearing tomorrow in Minnesota, presumably because he can’t find an outfit frumpy enough to prove his heterosexuality.

Lethal injection faces scrutiny from the highest court in the land. I’m sweating bullets. Without the death penalty, how will the U.S. keep it real with our 3rd world neighbors? Infant mortality? Literacy? Our credibility is screwed.

Yes boys and girls, there is a black intelligencia. Just don’t tell your parents. Or the news networks.

I don’t know enough about ecology to really understand this. But it sounds complex. And slightly arbitrary.

Remember Sputnik? Neither do I. But christ, it sure scared the crap out of 2nd-term-Eisenhower America to such a degree you would have thought your youngest daughter was dating that colored boy down the block. Jeepers!

I don’t know about you, but I am so, like, totally relieved the penny is getting redesigned. A wonderful allocation of federal resources.

Dang.