Al Gore’s Beard

From the geniuses who brought us George Washington, I present unto you their history lesson on our 35th President, John Fitzgerald Kennedy.

I am about as knowledgeable about Pakistani politics as I am about their most popular sport, cricket. That is to say, I would probably recognize some things as familiar, some universally understandable rules of engagement, but my lack of hours logged in study render me hopelessly ignorant about the actual nature of the thing.

This usually drives me crazy, but it has somehow allowed me to react less as a cynic and pragmatic political watchman, and more as an emotional bitch to Benazir Bhutto’s assassination. And I mean that…I have been incredibly saddened by the killing on a personal level.

Although I frequently deal in the currency of emotion as a songwriter, I’m not an exceptionally emotional dude. There is a very influential reptilian/50’s-era-male-stoicism part of my brain that almost totally vetoes any public shedding of tears or other states of upset. Imagine my surprise, then, when I found myself getting a little bit red-eyed looking at these pictures, and this one too.

There are a combination of traits that make Bhutto exceedingly real to us in the West, not least of which was her profound bravery, her apparent commitment to democracy, and her wildly enviable “damn the torpedoes” attitude about politics and life in general. But NO one, or at least no one I’ve yet heard, is talking about how disturbing it is, on a species-level of unconsciousness, that a genuinely beautiful woman has been slaughtered in the political arena.

This is not meant to objectify, or even frame Bhutto’s political accomplishments and/or flaws (on which, again, I am no expert) in gender, but female political killings are the exception, not the rule throughout history.  And although I was not alive for King or the Kennedys, I’m guessing my weirdly primal reaction of wishing I could protect the  great matriarch Bhutto is probably not what I would have thought on Nov 22nd 1963.

Now, this raises an important question. Am I a sexist for having this reaction? Am I COMPLETELY objectifying, or fetishising, Benazir Bhutto for being attractive, smart, ambitious, and powerful? I think on some level, through historical conditioning, we are resigned to allow male humans bite the dust once or twice a generation in the struggle for power. Hell, we’re used to it, and have been for a long time. Stupid, lunkhead men hungry for power will stoop to rather monstrous methods to achieve their desired ends. It’s as accepted as gravity.

But the killing of the feminine, and the beautful female…this is a new(er) deal. I mean, the last political female martyr of any import (Hillary Clinton’s private life notwithstanding) that I can come up with without serious consideration is Joan of Arc, and we’re still making movies about her 600 years later.

And I freely admit to avoiding, or at least disregarding, the obituaries that highlight her apparently Clintonian ability to play to both sides, the portrait of her as a very vulgar and pragmatic political operator, just to keep the Mystical Bhutto alive in my mind. Maybe I am willfully ignorant, because it’s much easier to feel human, and therefore human sadness, that stupid power-hungry men butchered the benevolent Pakistani Earth Mother Bhutto.

That’s really what it comes down to. In my 2007 reality as a post-feminist post-modernist post-media post-intellectual Los Angeleno, I WANT to believe in Mother Earth Bhutto, and I cry for the loss of that Myth: the aging beauty, still looking good and taking on the Evil Musharraf and other Dictatorial-types, forcing populism on the powerful, and doing it all with undeniably feminine grace.

And if I’m this willing to suspend objective judgment and believe in that legend, you can damn well be sure countless others already have.

For reasons unknown, I’ve shed my bah-humbug ways this year and have been swept up - kind of, anyway - in the Holiday Spirit.

So.

Whichever winter celebration you choose, I bid you a happy, peaceful, and loving one. Myth and ritual are on the short list of things that make us human, and not mere beasts.

Washington, Washington…he’ll save the children, but not the British children.

If you do nothing today, please watch this twice.  Who ever you are, Creased Comics, I love you.

HOW excited are you for Tapegate? I think I should trademark that, by the way. Now an ex-CIA spook or dude or janitor or something has been subpoenaed. First pitch is set for January 16th on Capitol Hill. I think we should start a betting line now…how long ago did Bush find out? When did it happened? 2 minutes ago? Were the tapes thrashed at the request of someone in/around the White House? How messed up were the tactics used on the tapes? Oh, this is going to be very very good. Tapegate, kids. Believe it.

—

I’m not sure there is enough of a meta-type view taken with this, but a new study says there is no empirical evidence linking a decrease in attacks and hijackings to post-9/11 security screening of passengers.

—

The LA Sheriff’s Dept. skimped on the processing paperwork when arresting drunk-ass Mel Gibson last summer. They were probably distracted by him attempting to ignite a cross in the holding cell. But Paris got no special treatment, so I guess that’s progress.

—

Jamie Lynn’s status as jail bait is nebulous. Good ol’ MTV attempts to clarify. I want my…I want my…I want my underage ass…oh wait. No I don’t.

—

Excerpted from vanityfair.com:

The Korengal is widely considered to be the most dangerous valley in northeastern Afghanistan, and Second Platoon is considered the tip of the spear for the American forces there. Nearly one-fifth of all combat in Afghanistan occurs in this valley, and nearly three-quarters of all the bombs dropped by nato forces in Afghanistan are dropped in the surrounding area. The fighting is on foot and it is deadly, and the zone of American control moves hilltop by hilltop, ridge by ridge, a hundred yards at a time. There is literally no safe place in the Korengal Valley. Men have been shot while asleep in their barracks tents.

—

Jena, Louisiana is making a white supremicist group pay fees and leave their guns at home when/if the group has a rally in the town of 3000. Seems the “Nationalist Movement” feels they are being discriminated against. Payback is a bitch.

—

Ah, the kind, gentle hand of the United States. We should at least be taking it easy on the hot Icelandic blonde chicks, right?

—

Domestic unrest, pissed of blacks in the south…it must be 1955…or Thursday. What does it sound like when dozens of people collectively are all “don’t tase me, bro“?

—

Down goes Nature! Down goes Nature! Nurture wins with a left cross in the 7th!

—

A practical guide to racism and the NFL draft. I think this is not the last time I will be linking to the this website. Thanks to Deadspin.