Al Gore’s Beard

There will be NO Whitehouse Friday dump sliding under the beard’s radar…Never!

Some d-level jesus-freak sycophant whitehouse staffer plagiarized material used in about 20 newspaper columns in Indiana. I can almost forgive him, for a couple of reasons. 1) Indiana-based jesus freaks might not be the most inquisitive audience, and thus one might get away with the crime. 2) How much content can one be reasonably expected to generate that steers clear of, like…say, evolution, reason, happiness, sex, gender equality, dancing, wine, book-learning, secular media, rock n roll, movies, caffeine, masturbation, interracial dating, Catholics, et al? One might need to look to other sources. I’m just saying.

Still, no mercy for the Bushees from this liberal media member. I shall shout it from the uncaring mountain tops so a burnt-out electorate already kind of forgetting the pain of the Bush Era can ignore one more minor flaw in the sea of error has been the last two presidential terms. Yes I will.

No, not Eisenhower. Ike Newton. Mysterious variations in spacecraft flight over a series of earth fly-bys are stumping the eggbrains. If you think amending the constitution is hard, try getting the law of gravity amended.

Also, it’s nice to find out who Bill Wyman’s hair muse has been all these years.

If I am ever so bleak in outlook, unstimulated in existence, and lonely enough to be comforted by a robot dog, please put me down. I mean that. I’m counting on you, dear readers.

Stories like this make me cringe, because it makes me think of those people out there for whom this is not, like, remote, creepy, sad, and depressing. Christ man…I’m about to hug the next co-worker I see just to bounce back from this one.

Actually, you guys are welcome to put me down if, in the event of the above-mentioned criteria, I’m happiest talking to a REAL dog. If pets or gadgets are the light of my life, please be advised you are required to put me down like a mad elephant.

I guess if your choice is between hereditarily ordained demigod status and babykilling while slumming it as cannon fodder, the latter is keeping it real moreso than the former.  Just dig the pictures above. That’s about as unordained a moment he will ever enjoy, and as such, probably the least contrived. What does this say about celebrity and monarchy, that one needs to find, and indeed fight on the front lines of a war to find genuine bonding and comraderie. Does homeboy just need to play more intramural soccer? 

Regardless, I will not immediately lambast Prince Harry for choosing to fight in a war that would not exist if his silly family hadn’t been totally behind Western Hegemony for, like, forever, and totally pissed of the Islamic world in the process. I mean, he said himself this is as “normal” an experience as he will ever be allowed. Fire in the hole, buddy.

Since I’m apparently incapable of blogging without basketball-related entries these days, hows about THIS one? Colorado state senators have taken up the cause of a Jewish boys basketball team whose playoff run may be halted because its players can’t play on the Jewish Sabbath.

 It’s kind of like John Goodman not “rolling” in Big Lebowski, or maybe more like Sandy Koufax skipping a World Series start for Yom Kippur, which, if I were Jewish or any religion, really, would make Sandy Koufax my motherfucking hero.

Kudos to Larry Brown for passing this one along.